1. From The Pastor
  2. Women’s Ministry Update
  3. Men’s Ministry Update

Mars and Venus

by Jack Arrington

“The feminist revolution of the 1970s made talk of inborn differences in the behavior of men and women distinctly unfashionable, even taboo.” 1

It wasn’t until the early ‘90s that I noticed a number of books challenging the feminist dogma. John Gray’s book on Mars and Venus was a major bestseller. It’s still worth reading. The beginning quote comes from a book that I use every time I do premarital counseling—Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Les and Leslie Parrott. Recently in a counseling session, I was reminded of a chapter (mentioned in the footnote) that’s worth the price of the book if you read nothing else.

So what I want to do is to take a number of quotes to whet your appetite for reading the book. The title of the book could simply be Saving Your Marriage. It’s a good read whether you are just approaching marriage or have been in it a while.

By now, medical and scientific studies have forced most people to agree that the differences in the behavior of men and women are a result of nature and not just nurture (environmental programming). “Making marriage work, however, does not depend solely on recognizing our differences. It’s a matter of appreciating those differences too. We have seen some couples identify their differences and then try to eliminate them.” (I’m assuming the Parrotts refer to eliminating the differences and not the other party).

“So when gender differences emerge in your marriage, don’t judge your spouse as evil. He or she did not deceive you; it simply took marriage to reveal your differences.” Actually we are better together when we learn how to leverage our personality and gender differences for the benefit of the marriage. The same can be said for members in the same church. God doesn’t want clones. The differences are there for a reason—even if it’s to help you learn how to handle frustration, disappointment, and anger. But in reality the one who focuses upon accomplishment needs the one who focuses on relationship. Big picture people need detail people. Creative people need help…er, method people (just to see if you were reading).

In a callout box the authors quote Dave Barry:

What women want – To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted and sometimes, just to be held.

What men want – Tickets for the World Series

Here’s my last appetizer. It’s a biggie.

Men derive their worth more from what they do, while women derive their worth more from who they are

Look at it this way. When women do not receive admiration from their spouse, they tend to be more motivated than ever to earn it. But when a man does not receive admiration from his spouse, he begins to lose motivation to try. Without a feeling of being admired, a man’s energy is drained. He soon feels inadequate and incapable of giving support. Without being admired, men lose their will to give.

You [ladies] have no idea how damaging a critical statement is to your man’s personal power. He responds to not being admired the same way you do when he invalidates your feelings. It is demoralizing.

Read the book.

More importantly, I hope you learn to appreciate the differences and see the benefits.

But, read the book to help you do that.

Oh, and if you haven’t seen this yet, enjoy this video on men’s and women’s brains.

1These quotes are from Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Les & Leslie Parrott, Zondervan 2006. Specifically they come from the chapter, “Have You Bridged the Gender Gap?”.

Women’s Ministry Update


FBCWM will be hosting a night of comedy with Kristy Byers on Friday, September 14, 2012 at 7:00 p.m. This is an outreach opportunity so please plan to bring a friend to enjoy dinner, catered by STUFFED, and laughter. Registration will begin on Sunday, August 5, 2012 in the church foyer. Stay tuned for more information in the Sunday Notes, pre-service displays, and special announcements. Clips of Kristy can be found at the following link:

Fall Bible Study

Our Fall Bible Study will be Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break, by Kelly Minter
Nehemiah’s heart broke so deeply for the suffering Jews that he left the comfort of his Persian palace to restore their desolate community. Through seven video sessions and an in-depth, relational Bible Study, Nehemiah will inspire you to listen to what God has put in your heart to do. Let God break your heart for the hurting, because He often uses a breaking heart to restore the broken.

The study starts Thursday, September 20th and ends Thursday, November 1, 2012
The study is offered Thursday morning, 9:30 – 11:30 a.m. and Thursday evening, 7:00 – 9:00 p.m. Childcare is available.

Bible Study workbooks will be available at FBC and also at Lifeway Christian Bookstore for $12.95. Sign up will begin on Sunday, August 19, 2012 in the church foyer.

Men’s Ministry Update

Fall Retreat

The FBC Men’s Ministry will hold the second annual Fall Retreat at Ridge Haven Conference and Retreat Center near Brevard, NC. The trip will be on October 19-21. More details to come soon!